Hilarious Christmas Quotes

Well, it’s that time of year again, and you either love it or hate it.

The holiday season brings mixed emotions for many people. On the one hand, many people can’t wait for this time of year where winter works its magic, and people wrap up in wool scarves, hats, huddle around fireplaces, see their families, eat well, and spread the general cheer.

This same tribe of people also loves Christmas music, carols, the sight of trees lit up like stars in the sky, lights on houses, the typical food associated with Christmas (candy canes, chocolate, fruitcakes, pies, and the like).

However, others have a more cynical view, and view this time of year as one of rampant commercialism, excessive spending, having to spend time with annoying family members, and the tyranny of ear-bleeding Christmas music everywhere you go.

Whatever your stance is on the holidays, there is surely a quote in here to make you laugh. So sprinkle some cinnamon on that hot chocolate, throw those candy canes out the window, and have a chuckle with us!

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

“My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” – Melanie White

“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” – Kin Hubbard

“I bought my brother some gift wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.” – Steven Wright

“I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, ‘So does the guy I stole it from.’” — David Letterman

“You can’t fool me—there ain’t no Sanity Clause!” — Chico Marx

“Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy.’” — Robert Paul

“A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.” — Melanie White


“It’s that’s special time of year when your whole family gathers together in one place to look at their cellphones.” — Jimmy Kimmel

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — George Carlin

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